Antonia: [to Claudius] You blockhead.
Herod: No. He's not a blockhead. It's we who are the blockheads. If Sejanus had come to us with a proposal like that we would have given him his marching orders. But Claudius knows better. Claudius sways and bends with each little wind that blows.
Agrippina: By which you mean he's weak and cowardly.
Herod: Perhaps. But at least he's still here.
Tiberius: Rome deserves you. I will nurse you like a viper in her bosom.
Caligula: Is that a joke, uncle?
Tiberius: No, but it will be.
Did you know the last time she spoke to me was when Caligula burned the house down? Even then, all she said was, “If you haven’t got a bucket, piss on it.
“
| — | Claudius, of Livia |
Livia: If you prune any more of that there'll be nothing left.
Augustus: What are you now, an expert on gardening? Is that something else you've become lately?
Livia: I'm only telling you. The gardners all complained you spoiled them last year.
Augustus: And whose garden is this? How long have we been married?
Livia: Don't you remember?
Augustus: Fifty years, and in all that time you've never been able to tell one plant from another. And now, suddenly, you know all there is to know about pruning. Wonderful!
Livia: I think your brain's going soft, you know that? Nobody can talk to you any more.
Augustus: Anyone can talk to me at any time, except you. You don't talk to people. You bully them.
Livia: This conversation is becoming ridiculous.
Augustus: Wrong, this conversation was ridiculous from the start.
